Closing the door behind you...

Welcome to 2012! I am blessed to have seen the beauty of a new year and I praise God for preserving me and my loved ones. I rang in the New year in England with 2 of my closest friends (Love you sweet cheeks, love you 99999!) in the house of the Lord and it couldn't have been any better.

So we are in a new yr and I am prepped to do big things, my latter has to be better than my former and my first game of attack is closing the door to the past behind me.



I will stop living in the Past...
One of the biggest mistakes I have made and and have been continuously tempted to make is reminiscing about the past. Things I've lost, people who've left me and choices I have come to regret. Turns out that I am not the only one who's down it.

Gen 11 vs 27,28,31,32 (NLT) This is the account of Terah’s family. Terah was the father of Abram, Nahor, and Haran; and Haran was the father of Lot. But Haran died in Ur of the Chaldeans, the land of his birth, while his father, Terah, was still living....One day Terah took his son Abram, his daughter-in-law Sarai (his son Abram’s wife), and his grandson Lot (his son Haran’s child) and moved away from Ur of the Chaldeans. He was headed for the land of Canaan, but they stopped at Haran and settled there. Terah lived for 205 years and died while still in Haran.

Terah, Abram's father had lost a son named Haran and while he was on the way to Canaan, the promised land with all his family, he came into a land named Haran (his dead son's name) and decided to stay there! He stopped in his tracks and decided to live in a land that must have constantly reminded him of his dead son. He ultimately died there without ever making it to the promised land.

Keep Moving...
I am now promising myself to close the door to my past. I refuse to be Terah, who couldn't let go of his past even if meant missing his destiny. It might mean saying good bye to people, ending certain friendship or just coming to peace about certain situations; but whatever it means, I am ready to do it. Ready to step up and be all that I was created to be.

...Musings from atop the potter's wheel

To the forgotten...

As the year draws to an end and the festivities come upon on us. I wondered what post to end the year with. I have a lot of items I've been working on and so excited to share with you guys but God has laid it upon my heart to do something different. I want to dedicate this last post of 2011 to the forgotten of the season; to the broken hearted. Not too many winters ago, I was among the ones struggling and even though God has brought me through it; my heart still reaches out to the hurting.




I am dedicating this post to the heartbroken, the depressed, the rejected, the lonely, the abused and the weak. The ones who feel alone in a crowded room, the ones who cry themselves to sleep, the ones who wonder how they'll make it through another day, the ones who pray for death to come but are making their own plans just in case it doesn't. I see you and so does God. He loves you SO much and wants you to know that even if your mother and father forsake you, he never will. I know it's hard but this christmas is not about gifts, friends, or even family. This season is about the Valentines gift God is giving you. It's about so rich a love that he would sacrifice his own son so that one day, you would dwell in his peace for eternity.



I want to let you know that even though it seems the world has forgotten you and no one cares, God is there and he loves you very much. I want you to hold on just a bit longer and wait for that break through you are seeking. I know it is much easier said than seen but God has a magnificent plan for you life and even thought the nights seem so long and lonely,daylight is just upon the horizon.

I am adding a video that I love and listen to when I don't feel my best. I hope it ministers to you.




Lyrics
My world is closing in
On the inside
But I’m not showing it
When all I am is crying out
I hold it in and fake a smile
Still I’m broken
I’m broken
Only one can understand
And only one can hold the hand
Of the broken
Of the broken

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in your arms
Again

I need no explanation of why me
I just need confirmation
Only You could understand the
emptiness inside my head
I am falling
I am falling
I’m falling down upon my knees
To find the one who gives me peace
I am flying
Lord I am flying

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in Your arms
Again

I have come to you in search of faith
Cause I can’t see beyond this place
Oh You are God and I am man
So I’ll leave it in Your hands

So know someone is out there thinking and praying of you.

"Fear not; you will no longer live in shame.Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you.You will no longer remember the shame of your youth
and the sorrows of widowhood." (Isaiah 54 vs 4)

*Italics- Scripture

...Musings from atop the potter's wheel....

A Time of rest...

Eccle 3 vs 1: There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens

So in a few days I will be boarding a plane for a whirlwind week of fun with my girlfriends in england! I should be saying yay but honestly, I am heart broken! Ok, let me start from the beginning. So my birthday passed a few months ago and hubster being the great man he is went all out. Besides taking me out to dinnner, I got a great day of shopping and the icing on the cake was a week long trip to Europe...no hubby...no baby boy...Just me and my girls!



Well, since then I've gone through a range of emotions, from doing the happy dance, to going behind the hubster's back to try and cancel the ticket; which turned out to be non refundable. I know... I know...it's crazy but in the midst of (ha..ha..no pun intended) it all, I realized how absolutely achingly hard I was going to miss my boys while I was gone and this made me hesitant and decide not to go. After much debate, the hubster told me that if I truly loved him and baby boy, I needed to go.

...A time to plant

Let me explain...
Doctor or no doctor... I am a FULL time housewife! I cook, clean and care for my family to my utmost. If my boss really knew how many times I've scheduled doctor appointments for baby boy or looked up recipes, or ran last minute errands on company time, they would fire me. I am forever thinking of ways to improve my family's life and if I took one sec to be honest; I am BURNT OUT!



Don't get me wrong, I love what I do but man... I am tired! Early mornings and late nights, cooking with one hand, holding my text book with the other and rocking baby boy on my hip. So after 19 mths of this, hubby felt I deserve some time away. A whole week , not as a doctor, a mom or even as a wife! A week as plain ol' Inthe....an individual without the responsibility of the world on her shoulders.

A time to reap...

If I plan on continuing in the blessings of marriage, I am going to have to learn how to take care of me. I am going to order pizza for the hubster some nights and curl in bed with a good book, I am going to have to learn how to let baby hang with grandma for a weekend and go window shopping. The more refreshed I am, the better a human being and consequently, a better daughter, wife, mom and so forth.

So in a a little while, I'll board a plane and fly away, my heart might be breaking but I'll paste a smile on my face because I know I'll come back happier, refreshed and ready to be all that I am called to be.

...Musings from atop the potter's wheel...

Be right back!

I have a medical licensing exam in 1 week... its a 16 hr exam spread over 2 days and I really need to hit the books for a while. I am not scared because God has given me the victory. i will be back soon too give my testimony!




Miss me while I am gone!

What Love isn't...

1- Sex
..."I'm leaving cuz the sex does nothing for me...", "Me? Marry a Virgin ke? God forbid, they don't even know what they are doing"... "If you love me, you'll be willing to show me"..."He is a Virgin? Ah! You better pick race ooh, something must be wrong with him"...( and my personal favorite)"Shebi, we are going to get married eventually, so us starting early is not a sin



If I had $0.25 for every time this rubbish has been spoken, I would be rich. Why do we equate Love and Sex as the same thing? Let me tell you, you could live a million lifetimes without sex, but you wouldn't last just one without love. I have been blessed with so many "baby sisters-in-the Lord" and it's amazing to see how caught up they are in the fantasy of what sex and their wedding day will be like;(I am not hating, I was exactly like them when I was younger...lol). Thanks to the lie making machine called Media; we all have pre-concieved notions on what it has to be like between the sheets. Depending on how...ummmh..."exposed" you've been visually or physically, you start developing standards or expectations for your future mate, without even meeting them yet. How unfair is that nonsense. So you spend your days pre-occupied with the S word, you get married, can't wait to jump into it and when it's all said and done, reality slaps you in the face....depending on the person you married, yoiu might be completely turned off it! After all if you spend the whole day fighting over bills, children, the in-laws and any other issue you were previously blind too, you think you will be in the mood for Sex? Unh-Unh...I don't think so!

PS:Shout all to my peeps (especially men) out there taking a stand for purity in a world where it's viewed as weak or stupid. God sees you and will honor this step of obedience...


2- An emotion
I don't feel it anymore man! When I first met him, i thought about him 24/7, nowadays I can barely feel the heat anymore!

I have found out that Love is an action not an emotion. Want me to prove it? Ok, think about your life, have you CONSTANTLY lived in 1 emotion? As in, can you remember a time where you where happy/sad/angry 24hours straight? if you are honest, you'll say no because emotions fluctuate. You're pissed one sec, then happy the next and then something else. If you see love as another emotion, you'll see it fluctuate also in your life. I don't wait to "feel the love"; I make it happen and determine it in my heart to love the hubster EVERYDAY. It is not easy because we are flawed human beings and some days are harder than the next but I trust God that as I speak my love into my marriage, so shall it be.



3- A group activity
"...Enh, I love Tosin but I also love Segun...But lately Jimoh has been weighing heavy on my mind too. I guess love just comes easy to me sha..."


Last time I checked, Love wasn't a group; activity. It is absolutely unequivocally impossible to love more than one person at the same time. (Disclaimer: Love in the biblical definition, not Mills and Boons). Now i am not saying it's impossible to deleop feelings for multiple people but until you take the time to pray it through and determine what exactly that feeling is, don't call it love.

4-Temporary
"I don't know what happened, but I am done! I just don't love him anymore. I use to feel this hot passion but now...I just don't know. I think it is time to move on. I love him but am not IN love with him"


We walk around with the expectation that love is this "bomb explosion" of butterflies and flowers and dancing in the garden and the pitter patter of your beating heart but the second this love infatuation is over, and it's time for the real work to kick in...we run! Love is hard, love takes work, Love hurts but through it all, Love is BEAUTIFUL! Infatuation/Lust might be temporary but true love isn't.

5-A power struggle
Submit wetin? I am the master of this house as well... No one is going to ride me like a horse

Ok, let's just throw it out there. Men ARE God ordained Leaders of a household. Trust me as a feminist strong minded woman, I have consciously unconsciously tried to find ways around this, but I knew to accept God was to accept all God ordained authority over me. Marriage is honestly a blessing when you follow God's roadmap even when you don't agree understand.


...musings from atop the potter's wheel...

Dear Inthe...

You don't know me, but I have been reading your blog for a while now. I need some relationship advice and I see that you are a well grounded Godly married woman. My boyfriend and I have been having some series of issues lately. I love him and I know he loves me as well, but we just can't seem to understand each other. He doesn't speak my love language.
For example, I like being called wifey, and he doesn't think it's appropriate to
use that term unless we are at that stage. Meanwhile we plan on getting
married. He says he's serious about marrying me but cannot really commit to
a timeline. We've been together for over 2 years now. Should I continue in
this relationship or should I let go and let God?
HGF


Dear HGF,
There are a couple of things I want to thank you for. First for being a faithful reader of ITMOH, secondly for the compliments ( It's all God!)and most importantly than the rest, for the trust and giving me the privilege to come into your life and give advice. I know you want the truth, so I will not patronize you but giving you anything less. As you know that this is a Christian blog, you already can assume that my answers will be from a Christian standpoint; I will also assume that you are a Christian because I believe a relationship without God in between is pointless.I am going to speak the truth because you deserve it and treat this issue like you are my very own sister. Thank you again!

My boyfriend and I have been having some series of issues lately. I love him and I know he loves me as well, but we just can't seem to understand each other. He doesn't speak my love language.



My dear couple will ALWAYS! have disagreement...christian or not, married or not; the real issue is what are you disagreeing about? A lot of fights between couples come from a seed of deeper issues. Why are you having these fights recently? Did something change? If you can trace back the genesis of your fights to a certain time/event/fight, you might want to dig deeper and see if there are unresolved issues or someone still holding a grudge or hurt feelings from it. You might also want to have a sit down conversation with your boyfriend.

I love him and I know he loves me as well, but we just can't seem to understand each other. He doesn't speak my love language.




My dear,you guys are in love but don't understand each other? That's very possible but depending on what you call love. God is love so a couple has to first and foremost know him to experience true Love. With that aside, have you ever spoken to him about your desires? Has he given you a reason why he can't fulfill them? Are your/his reasons logical? Maybe he never spoke it in the first place and you are just realizing it? or is this new?. Guys are the most predictable beings on earth and their body language tells us a lot, even though we women sometimes are in denial and refuse to see it. If this is new, confront ( this does not mean yelling, crying and throwing plates, it means being blunt) him about it, maybe he doesn't even realize he has changed!



For example, I like being called wifey, and he doesn't think it's appropriate to use that term unless we are at that stage.



Why do you like being called wifey? Is it because you are already acting like his "wifey"? Are you living with him? Are you having sex with him? Are you already basing your life decisions on him? HGF, only one person can truly carry that title and that's a woman who has been married before God and family. Anything less is just playing charades. You might truly love him but as of right now, you are just his girlfriend. I want you to step back and make a list of what you are giving to this relationship emotionally, physically, and mentally; there are some that belong strictly to a wife and there are some only a girlfriend can give...I want you to separate it and act according to your role. It might mean moving out, stop having sex, going after that degree you've always wanted, closing that joint account or getting your own car. By telling you that he doesn't want to call you "wifey", he is telling you to act your role, nothing more. I sense you are giving a lot into this relationship and that's why you want to be called his wife but it seems your boyfriend feels otherwise.


He says he's serious about marrying me but cannot really commit to a timeline. We've been together for over 2 years now.



One thing the Hubster has told me is that "A man who know what he wants will go hard till it's his". Now you both love each other but can't set a timeline for your relationship. Different reasons come to mind..."Is he financially ready?" Most men are bred with the breadwinner mentality, he might feel like marrying you know would be robbing you of the comforts and necessities you deserve. "Is he mentally/emotionally prepare to be a husband?" A lot of bachelors see marriage as the end of their youth, freedom and the beginning of an eternal "lock down". A guy who thinks this way is no where near ready because he will always feel there might have been something better on the outside and consciously/unconsciously will never be satisfied with what he has at home. On the other hand, there are guys with the baggage of a bad previous breakup or the divorce of parents. Do you know his background, is he hurting or scared? All this needs to be addressed if you ever expect him to move forward with you.Or could it be family issues? Do your parents know each other and are in agreement with a future union? Or does he see marriage pointless because he already has someone who plays the role in his life? You need to have a DTR (Define the relationship) talk and you can start by taking this quiz yourself. Remember, a relationship is a season with a goal in sight, it should never be stagnant.

Should I continue in this relationship or should I let go and let God?



My dear, If I had answers to all these questions above or knew you personally maybe I might be able to guide you in answering this question but ultimately this is an answer you need to find within yourself and you will only find it on your knees. Ask yourself " Who am I? what am I doing? what is my Goal in this relationship? Is it realistic? What does God say about this? Is this relationship in line with his word? Is this relationship drawing me closer to God? I have invested 2 years into this, am I better (in all aspects of my life), stronger and closer to God than I was before I met him?" These answers might come through pain and tears but they have to be asked. You are a beautiful(God made you, MUST be beautiful) woman who I know God has big plans for. You deserve his very best! Seek him and trust him. I pray you peace my dear...


If you need to talk again...I am ALWAYS here for you!
Inthe...


To everyone reading this, feel free to comment with either advice or words of encouragement for HPG

A letter to my heart

Dear heart,

There is so much I wish I could tell you; things I wish I had known.



With Love...
Slow Down! You are in such a hurry to love and experience it. To taste the sweetness promised by the love of another. I want you to know that love isn't going anywhere. If you slow down now, you won't stumble or carry the lifetime of guilt you see in so many people. I know you've read the romance novels, spent days daydreaming of your own knight in shining armor but I want you to trust me when I say you are not ready. Love is the most complicated, mind numbing, exquisitely earth shaking emotion there is. What other emotion can kill you and give you life at the same time? It is complex and although your youth gives you the feeling of invincibility,you are yet young and fragile, trying to make out a path in this world; not quite sure where life is taking you. Love is not all about emotions, it is not a game you play and come out unscathed; it's as close as you may ever get to playing with fire.



I dont think you truly know how easy it is to bruise you or how far down you may fall? Boys live to play fast and reckless with everything they come in contact with and while their lips promise sweetness, their actions bring pain. Don't put your hearts into the hands of young boys or immature men,they barely know how to care for themselves let alone another; in the fast gambling of life and soul, there usually ends up one victim...you.



Love handled foolishly can leave you broken. So please my heart, slow down. Take this season to learn about yourself, to live life freely with abandon, to nurture and strengthen that spirit of yours. I promise,when you've grown and come to know who you are, love will be there waiting.

...Musings from atop the potter's wheels...